This is my Mom and our kids in Tennessee last fall.  Since I was on vacation, we got to attend Sunday Morning services at the Westside church of Christ in Cookeville with some of my cousins and their families.



So, I work on Sunday's at the Police Department.  That's good and bad.  Bad because obviously I'm missing a great day with the family.  But ok (really not good or ideal, but ok) because I work for a department where on Sunday's, many of the officers take their "lunch break" and attend church services and I get the same freedom.  Only it's a tad different for dispatchers.  If I'm by myself that particular Sunday (which I'm not often) I can't leave to go.  And if we're busy, I will not leave my co-worker and go. In either case, I only have 1 hour for lunch and that has to include my time going to actually get lunch, so I work it out so that I can go to church for about 35 minutes or so; until after the Lord's Super.   As a family, we go most Sunday nights.

Last Sunday was one of those Sunday's where I got to go both Morning and at night.  In the morning service, we sang the familiar hymn, Anywhere With Jesus, by Jesse B Pounds.  I've pry sang it a thousand times.  Heard it a thousand times, but I don't guess I've ever listened to it.  At least not closely, cuz Sunday it struck me how this song relates to foster kids. 

Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go,
Anywhere He leads me in this world below;
Anywhere without Him dearest joys would fade;
Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid.

I pictured a foster kid, maybe one that I've had, in somekind of desperate situation. Being beaten.  Sexually abused.  Starved. Neglected. We had a little boy, I think he was 6 years old at the time, he had been sleeping outside and eating out of dumpsters, so I kinda pictured this kid.  He was so under nourished, he was no bigger than Addy who was 4 at the time and he weighed less!  I imagined him dumpster diving for food scraps..."Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go" as rats were surley around the dumpster, as well as broken glass, in his neighborhood, probably used needles.
"Anywhere he leads me..." I pictured this kid and all the others, holding the hand of a kind, but overworked DHS worker and being led to the safety of her car. "Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid." 

I've seen some brave faces come through our doors.  Teenagers put on the bravest face.  They act like it's no big deal when I explain the rules of our household to them. They agree to the chores I set out in front of them.  They promise to do good.  But I know they're scared.  Weary.  Maybe a little bit unsure of themselves. 

"Other friends may fail me, He is still my own" reminds me of a 17 year old girl we had that had such low self esteem, from years of being tossed around like garbage by her biological Mom, and then being tossed out by an adoption placement worse case scenerio when the "adoptive Mom" and her new Honey decided a 17 year old troubled teen didn't fit their picture of a "family." I used to try to encourage her and uplift her and get her to be a leader.  Enstead, she seemed bent on following other kids that seemed "outcast."  Self esteem is a hard battle to fight, especially when you've never had an edge to begin with. 

This verse really gets me:
Anywhere with Jesus I can go to sleep,
When the dark’ning shadows round about me creep,
Knowing I shall waken nevermore to roam;
Anywhere with Jesus will be home, sweet home.

I remember one time, one of our older foster kids was having trouble with a new foster kid he was having to share a room with.  The older one complained that the younger one didn't sleep well at night and kept him up.  I told him to give the younger one time to adapt."Don't you remember your first couple of nights in foster care and how you felt?"  And the older one, who was about 11 at the time said, "Yes, I do!  I remeber how good it felt to sleep in a bed, all by myelf with pillows and a blanket!  That was my first time ever!"  That child was 5 when he came into foster care, and that was the first bed he ever slept in!!  I now understood where he was coming from!
That same older kid once told me when he was really little, maybe 3 or 4 years old, they lived in an old trailer, deep in the wooded hills of a neighboring county.  At night, he thinks when his Mom and step-dad were doing drugs or fighting, they would push this little boy outside, in the dark and the cold.  They would tell him to walk to his Grandmothers neighboring trailer, even though her trailer was a ways off, into the trees and unknown.  Scared, this little boy, who I remind you was only 3 and 4 would just go to sleep on the porch of the trailer, uncovered and usually unfed.  The "porch" was actually just a couple of pallets close to the ground, stacked up and barely above the mud and earth.  And this song, "Anywhere With Jesus" struck me Sunday.  I thought of that little boy and the other kids we've had while we've fostered.  You might be surprised at how relisient these kids are!!  They have taught me so much about Jesus!  About his compassion.
A friend of mine, who adopted 5 foster children and fostered many more, said one time a little bitty boy told her, as she tucked him in at night, that he wasn't scared to go to sleep, "Cuz God never sleeps!"
Many times, these kids have told me they weren't scared, that they just trusted Jesus! 

Especially when a kid has been physically abused, the first thing we tell them is that they will not be "hurt" at our house!  The next thing and the most important is about Jesus.  I love reading to these kids and telling them stories.  All kinds of stories, but especially Bible stories.  Our girls have some of the best, neatest little Bible books and stories.  It's so important.  When a potential foster parent says to me, "I don't know if I can really help them or not."  I tell them, "If you touch that child for one day, one week, a year, you have showed that child Jesus.  You have shown them how a "normal" family interacts.  They take that with them forever!"  I just so believe that we make a difference.  We as foster parents.  We as a community.  We as families. 

Thanks for reading!! Have a great rest of the week!

Lola Philpott

The Rant! Kids need jobs and responsibility as well as love and care!

John volunteering at a Bikers for Foster Kids event!

Presley and her friend Morgan "selling" houses at the Get Down Downtown event last fall.

http://youtu.be/kl1ujzRidmU

Click on the link above if you missed my video I posted earlier today on Facebook.

I knew when I saw this video this morning, there were gonna be liberals have a problem with it.  I knew the liberal media would jump on this like a pitbull on a 3 legged cat!! I knew it! 

Let me tell y'all somethin' about the Philpott's.  We ain't too much different than this guys family it sounds like.  Our kids have chores.  ALL kids.  Little kids-Addy.  Foster kids.  Bio kids and adopted kids. 

John is 14.  Every morning he gets up and lets the dog out.  Since she sleeps in the garage, he cleans up any "accidents" she may have had the night before.  He helps his baby sister get dressed  and he does her hair.  After school he empties the tea maker, cleans the tea maker, makes his bed, takes out the trash, helps clean up after supper, sometimes, after school he has to help his Dad build houses and every weekend he works with his Dad or some other group of Philpott Builders building houses.  Most afternoons, weather permitting he rides his scooter to check on said jobs and make sure doors are locked, keys secured and expensive tools are put up.  He has a pet Bearded Dragon that he has to feed and clean and care for. 

Presley is 11.  Every morning she makes her and her sisters bed.  She has enough trouble getting herself ready for for school, so the rest of her chores are afterschool chores.  She has to unload the dishwasher, clean the cat litter, clean the countertops, carry everyones dirty clothes basket to the laundry room, then she WALKS to the kids house she babysits afterschool and she babysits for at least 1 hour and usually 2.  AND she watches her sister.  She walks the dog.  She helps pick up trash on job sites.  She sweeps up sawdust, and runs errands for workers on jobsites.   She has a beta fish she has to feed, clean and care for.  And back to the babysitting....she takes this very seriously.  She makes up games and activities for the kids to do.  She takes PRIDE in her babysitting job!

Addy is 5.  She has sorted laundry since she was 3.  That is how she learned her colors.  She helps Sissy put away the dishes from the dishwasher.  She picks up her toys and she helps make her own bed.  She cleans up messes.  She helps make supper.  Sometimes if Bubba is busy, she feeds and waters the dog.  She picks up trash from jobsites.  She runs errands for workers on jobsites.  She knows what a hammer is and a paintbrush and she knows the difference between duck tape and painters tape.  She is 5.

Are these kids slaves??  Merriam Websters defines Slave as: "a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
or one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence."  Thats what one liberal group was spouting off about in reference to this video.  That kids are not meant to be slaves.  Really?? I love history.  I know an awful lot about history.  I seriously doubt my KIDS are slaves.  They get room and board.  They get good clothes.  Some are hand me downs, but many are name brands.  They get free (to them anyway) medical care.  They have laptops, Ipods, cell phones and rollar skates.  They play sports; football, track, soccer.  So they get sports equipment, money for games, free transportation, the rarely ride a bus!  I think its very ignorant for liberals to jump on this guy and say he treated his daughter as a slave.  That laptop he shot up with his .45? That was HIS laptop. He bought that!  She didn't.  She  merely borrowed it!  She barely assumed ownership and I say barely cuz HE was the one that took care of the upkeep, etc.   These kids today, and I mean mine included are so spoiled.  They have so much more than we had as kids.  A friend of mine posted a thing the other day....she said, remember when we were kids and we all had them old timey Nintendo's?  And if a game didn't work, we just pulled the cartridge out, blew on it and it magically worked again??  She said, "How did we know this??"  Kids all over the Nation did this and we didn't have any message board or facebook to post problems on, but somehow we got through!  She said "kids today are soft!" And it's true!   I want my kids to have more than I did. Not just materially, but otherwise too.  I demand more of my kids then truly my Mom demanded of me.  It takes more for kids these days.  I have high expectations.  Yes, John works his 14 year old hind off, but you know what?  He gets all that I mentioned above, PLUS, he "gets" respect from other kids and their parents, he also "gets" consideration from teachers and community leaders, he "gets" good grades and he absolutly gets our love and attention.  Same for Presley.  Same for Addy.  In life, you get what you give.  My kids give alot.  I want them to get a lot, too.   Again, are my kids perfect?  Heck no!  Am I perfect or David perfect?? HEEEEEECK no!  I just believe you can't pamper these kids hind ends!  I don't think we need to try to be friends with our kids. What the heck do I want with an 11 year old friend anyway??  Not a dern thing!  I gotta enough to deal with-I don't need that middle school mess/drama all over again!  When we quit trying to please our kids and make them happy at every turn, I think they do better in the long run.  Kids want direction and discipline.  They need this! They want to know their boundaries where they fit in the grand scheme of things.   I remember one time, John told us, before we adopted him, that he actually felt good when we got on to him, "cuz that means you actually care.

 

Thanks for reading! 

Lola Philpott

Explaining Adoption to a pre-schooler

We've really never kept it a secret that we have two adopted children.  John was 10 when he came to us, so obviously, he knows.  In some ways, it's kind of easier that way. 
But Addy was five months old when she came to us as a very sick little foster baby. She has really never known any other family as her own.  We are it.  And for that I am so thankful.

Since Presley has been little, at different times, like at bedtimes, maybe if she wasn't feeling well or something, as a comfort to her, I might lay down beside her and I tell her all about her "birth story."  About how we found out I was pregnant and how I told Daddy, then up through the labor and delivery and her hospital stay and all that.  Presley has quite a tale herself. 

I guess when Addy was about 3, she heard me telling Presley about her story and naturally, she wanted to know her "baby story."  I remember thinking, "o crap, here is the BIG question!"  But, I also thought the adoption story shouldn't be any different then the "sex" talk or the "drug and alcohol" talk.  Keep it age appropriate and only answer the question asked.  So, when Addy asked "was she in my womb too?"  I simply answered, "no" but then added "you were in my heart tho..." and that pacified her for that night.  That year for Christmas, I bought Addy a book by Keiko Kasza called "A Mother for Choco."  This is a book about a little chick looking for his Mama.  He begins by looking for other feathered fowls like him but can't find anyone to love him.  Ultimatly, if I remember correctly, he finds his Mama.  She's a brown bear that also has a brown bear cub, a baby hippo and a baby alligator and she loves them all the same and very much!  I couldn't wait to read it to her!

About a year or so later, fast forward to last fall, getting near Christmas, and we were in the vehicle (where the best conversations take place) and somehow the topic came up again.  Talking about something or other and again, Presley said she was from my womb.  Addy asked was she from my womb also and I told her "No baby,  you came from another ladies womb, but God gave you to us to raise.  You were a gift that God gave us!" she seemed to chew on that for a moment, then John said, "Like me, Addy!  I came from someone else's womb too, but then God gave me to our parents, Mom and Dad!"  Well then Addy got excited and she thought at least her and John came from the same womb.  No, we had to start over and go back to keeping it simple.  And I explained again, that God blessed me and Daddy with three gifts; Presley, Addy and John.  And we opened each package and this is what we got!! The best present ever! Addy was satisfied.  Age appropriate.  Holiday appropriate. And simple!

Then today, for whatever reason, Addy asked again about I explained that no, Presley was the only one to grow in there and she said "Ewwww."  Hmmm, now I'm kinda stumped, so I left it alone.  Again, we get back in the vehicle and she asks again where she came from.  I told her, she grew in someone else's womb and then God gave her to us to raise and we "are your forever parents.  You will always be our daughter and we will always be your parents."  She's good.  That's fine.  She probably isn't even thinking about it today.  But I think about it and ponder it and wonder if I said the right thing.  Have I said too much? 

So, I did what any good American does when they have a question...I googled it.  Of course there are about a thousand opinions on it.  I think that adoption, just like sex, drugs and rock n roll (haha, I just had to add that!) should be answered in age appropriate responses.  And only answering the question she asked.  I did read that some psychologists think that the childs mind is unable to grasp a concept as complex as adoption, and they suggested waiting until age 8.  I don't know about that.  I think again, every child is different.  Addy, to me, is extremely intelligent and I think she grasps a whole lot more than even I could guess.  I also think that they way she views adoption will largely be based off me and David's views of adoption. She is certainly loved and definatly not loved anymore or less than Presley or John, for that matter.  I'm hoping these little bits and pieces to the puzzle can all come together for her someday. 

And that is why I'm glad God saw fit for us to have a biological child first.  I have never questioned my love for any of my children.  I've never had to wonder if I love my adopted kids the same way I would love a bio kid. I can tell you, without a doubt, I love them the same.  I love them differently, but equally!  Blood ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'!  In fact, truly, most the time, I forget Addy is adopted.  Shoot, sometimes I forget John is adopted!  Addy acts just like me and Presley!  And John is so much like David, most people assume he was David's, maybe from another relationship!!!  Either way, we are wading through this sea of adoption explanations. 

I've also told the kids before, and maybe we need to revisit this Bible story, but of course Moses was adopted.  He was perhaps the first adopted child ever.  And Jesus was not Joseph's son by blood, he was just as adopted, and both of them turned our great! 

Let me mention one thing about older child adoption too, since we're kinda on the subject.  One big difference between older child adoption and adopting a baby, is like what we're going through with Addy right now.  I'm sure her little mind has so many questions and a lot of confusion about her past.  And certainly if she doesn't yet, she will!  It's going to be real hard when she starts asking questions about the bio parent(s).  But with John, he pretty much knows his story top to bottom.  He was there.  Thats hard, because that means my son has seen and felt hurt and rejection.  He has seen hunger and true pain.  Addy hasn't seen or felt any of those things, at least that she immediatly remembers.  John knows and he knows he's been blessed. John doesn't have to question the facts, although I bet he has a whole of "why?"  But with that, John at age 14 can pretty much verbalize his feelings and questions.  Addy at age 5 only knows she has a "feeling" but won't know how to communicate it.  And that's where we use a lot of books and whole lot of prayer.  A whole, whole lot of reassurance for both kids, mixed with love and acceptance.  I wish more people considered older child adoption.  In most states, including Arkansas, "older" is defined legally as any child over the age of two!  There is such a need.  And these kids are worth it! 

Thanks for reading!
Lola Philpott

And God Created Dispatchers

 

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer each one. 

 The Dispatchers Bible verse. ;)

 

Every Sunday Morning as I head to work, I think about what it means to be a Dispatcher for a Police/Fire Department.  I am up at 4:30 and out the door in an hour.  No matter the weather, or often, how I feel, my family sleeps in and I go to work.  Sometimes I wish I had weekends off, so I could spend time with the family and I sure do wish I could go to church in Sunday mornings, but as I say, "Sallie Mae likes me paying back those school loans, so I must go." 

Dispatching is crazy at best.  I once heard a Lieutenant describe it to a new employee (who once again, didn't last) as "going 0 to 60 in just a matter of seconds!"  And that is a fact!  Sometimes we can literally be about to fall asleep.  Our radio room can get warm and quite comfy at times.  And with just one call, we may have an accident with injury, a domestic involving weapons, a housefire or a lady just wanting to speak to Animal Control.  Any number of scenerios happen everyday.  Yes, in our small town, we have homicides, suicides and fatalities.  Somehow, I am able to turn the switch off when bad things happen.  And yes, we develop a "weird" sense of humor.  But usually, it is a very busy, heart of the Police Department.  The center of a storm.

The most disturbing thing I've ever heard was a rape in progress.  She called 911 from a phone we were unable to track and the only clues we ever had was, 1) it was a boyfriend or someone she knew and loved. She told him she loved him, and she begged and pleaded... 2) they were on a dirt road or a gravel driveway.  I listened for a long, long time, to every last sick detail, trying to figure out where she was. I wanted so bad to help her!  She never talked to me.  We rewound the "tape" over and over again listening for clues but we were never able to help her.  And the rape, as far as we know, went like many other sexual assaults-unreported. 

The only other thing that ever really upsets me is when a child is involved.  I hate more than anything to have a little girl call 911 and tell me "Daddy is hitting Mommy" or most likely these days, "Mama's boyfriend is hitting her!"  I was that little girl when I was very small and I know what that's like and it's scary.  I wish every woman was as strong as my Mom and would leave the situtation.  But mostly, women don't leave; they just call back Monday asking how they can "drop charges." 

When it's been really bad, I just call my husband on his cell phone and all I have to say is, "Honey, it's bad.  It's real bad."  And he just stays on the line with me, never saying anything, only breathing, but thats enough to comfort me through the next several hours.  I have never had to leave a shift.

Being a Dispatcher is hard, but we do have an awful lot of fun.  Most the ladies I work with have very tight bonds and we do an awful lot of cutting up!  We laugh till the tears roll. Sometimes we get catty and we fight and get snippy, but we're a very tight unit.  And the Police Officers we work with are truly like our brothers.  We have their back and we tell em where to go-literally!  We sure don't make a lot of money at our job, but we're dedicated! 

A lady I work with, Miss Norma forwarded this e mail to me and I wanted to share it, cuz it truly brought me to tears first thing this morning (thanks alot Miss Norma)!

AND GOD CREATED DISPATCHERS

The angel walked in and found the Lord walking around in a small circle and muttering to himself. "What are you working on now lord?' he asked. "Well I finished creating a peace officer, now I'm working on a dispatcher"Since the angel could see nothing in the room, he asked God to tell him about it. "It's some what like the police officer model, it has 5 hands-one for answering the phone, two for typing, one for answering the radio, and one for grabbing a cup of coffee. The arms had to be placed fairly carefully since all the tasks a dispatcher does, have to be done simultaneously. The digestive system is a little complicated, since it runs on coffee, and food that can be delivered, but seldom needs to get up for the rest room. I made the skin tempered duralite covered with Teflon. A dispatchers hide has to be tough enough to withstand darts from cranky officers, jabs from citizens, and lack of attention by administration, but not show any signs of wear and tear. Unlike a police officer it only needs one pair of eyes, so that left extra room for the ears. There are five sets of ears, one set for the telephone, one for the main radio, two for the other radios it has to monitor, and one to hear everything else going on around it. They fit all right on the head, since it had to be extra large for the brain. The brain has to be enormous so it can remember a full set of 10 codes, phonetic alphabet, at least two hundred different voices, the entire contents of three different SOP manuals, two Teletype manuals, and an NCIC code book. Of course I left enough extra space for it to learn the individual quirks of every different SGT., LT., Shift commander, fire chief, and other supervisor, and the ability to keep them all straight. There also has to be room for it to learn which situations need an officer and which don't, and also the ability to determine in less than two minutes what to do for any given event. There is a built in condenser so it can take an hour long explanation, put it into 30 seconds worth of radio transmission, but still get the whole story across. Those switches on the front are for the emotions. It has to be able to talk to a mother who's child has just died without pain, a rape victim with empathy, a suicidal person with calmness and reassurance, and abusive drunk without getting angry. When one of the officers yells for help, it can't panic, and when someone doesn't make it, the dispatchers heart mustn't break. The little soft spot just to the left of the emotion switch is for abandoned animals, frightened children, and little old ladies who are lonely and just want to talk to someone for a few minutes. The dispatcher has to care very much for the officers and firefighters it serves, without getting personally involved with any of them, so I added another switch for that. Plus of course, the dispatcher can't have any of its own issues to worry about while it is on duty, so that last switch turns those off. The patience switch is turned up to high all the time on the CTO model, and I've added an extra fuse to those to those to handle the overload. A dispatcher has to be able to function efficiently under less than good physical conditions, and be flexible enough to withstand whatever whim the administration comes up with, while still retaining it's general shape and form. That warm fuzzy shoulder is, there for officers to use when they gripe, other dispatchers when they hurt, and for those who are shell shocked by a horrible call and just need someone to be there. The voice gave me a little trouble, it has to be clear and easy to understand, calm and even when everyone else is screaming, but still able to convey empathy and caring while remaining totally professional. It runs for a full 12 hours on very little sleep, requires almost no days off, and gets paid less than an executive secretary. "The dispatcher sounds wonderful lord", said the angel, "Where is this amazing creation?" "Well you see," answered the supreme being "Dispatchers are invisible unless they make a mistake. So it's practically impossible to tell when they are run down, worn out or in need of repair. Now that I've created them, I can't see the original model to make enough of them to go around.

Excuses

Excuses   

I hear lots of excuses when I talk to people about foster care.  Lots of people say they would like to foster, “But…”  I hear lots of “buts” and I myself have used lots of “Buts.”  Many times, we have logical reasons for being unable to foster and I know lots of people pour that energy in other area’s and ways to help.  And I appreciate those that support foster parents and foster kids, through prayer, donations, volunteering, etc….but I want to talk about one of the excuses that weighs heavy on my heart and my response to it.

Sometimes, people say they would like to help “these kids” but they don’t like all “these classes DHS makes you take.”  They don’t realize the true need for these classes.  They say, “I raised three kids, I know HOW to raise kids” or insert  x number of kids they raised and my response is this: “Yes, maybe you have raised three kids, but were your kids kicked in the head by your boyfriend?  Have they ever been so hungry, they ate garbage out of the dumpster?  Were you’re kids raped?  Molested by a family member?”  The classes DHS offers to prospective foster parents are designed to train you for these scenarios.  Kids in foster care are very similar to our “own” kids but they also have a completely different set of needs.  John needs a new backpack.  A foster kid may have be wearing the same pair of underwear every day for weeks; that child needs new underwear.  Sometimes, Addy thinks there’s a monster under her bed.  I’ve had foster children who have never had a bed.  And their monsters are Mama’s friends that come over at night time.  The classes and training DHS offer to prospective foster parents and for continuing education for foster parents is so important.  I hope you’ll consider this if this has ever been your excuse.  Also, if you are considering fostering or if you support fostering, maybe through babysitting, mentoring or maybe you have a family member that fosters, I encourage you to attend the meetings in White County for the Foster Parents Association.  Our next meeting is February 6 and feel free to contact me about time and place.  These kids deserve your attention.  John 14:18, Jesus promises “I will not leave you orphans: I will come to you.” 

Random Musings of the Philpott’s

For some reason, that excuse has been weighing on my heart; probably because I’ve heard it an awful lot of late.  But other than pondering that, we have had a pretty good winter in Arkansas.  The weather has been mild with only a few nights cold enough for a fire in the fireplace. 

In the beginning of the month, we celebrated my Mom’s birthday, Addy’s birthday and me and David’s wedding anniversary.  Also. John’s adoption anniversary was on Mom’s birthday, but in our family we really don’t “celebrate” , so much as “remember” adoption dates.  The reason being, why should an adopted kid have anymore “birthday” celebrations than a biological child?   Not that it’s any less special, but what we usually do is “remember” the day with a special meal or an evening out somewhere.  For John’s day we combined it with friends and ate at Who Dats in Bald Knob!  That’s a Cajun restaurant in our area that was listed in Southern Living’s Magazine a couple years ago as  one of the “Restaurants in the south worth driving 100 miles for.”  And believe me, it is!  They serve great big ole steaks, alligator, shrimp and their famous, red beans n rice. 

Anyways, I remember John’s adoption day very well.  That day we had a huge ice storm the night before and had to drive to another county for the finalization!  We almost had to postpone it and John was as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rockers!!! He wanted so bad to be adopted.   He wanted so bad to be a Philpott.  David navigated the hilly, curvy, icy roads, despite the fact that many schools were closed that day as were several of the government buildings!! We were all bound and determined!  And I know we are all thankful the Lord held us that day. 

That brings me to another subject and that is older child adoption.  I’ll talk about that I guess next time.  It’s so important and so needed.  And SO WORTH IT! 

The rest of this month has been almost “normal” for us.  We have another house under contract and are beginning to think/talk about building our own home.  Philpott Builders continue to be extremely blessed.  David keeps building quality homes and manages to keep them at an affordable price.  And he became the President of the White County Builders Association in the beginning of the month as well.  Congratulations to David!

And then the cat…we have had quite a time with pets recently.  Turns out, Kiki, our old, fat, grumpy Calico cat had a bladder infection and had to visit the vet yesterday-adding to our debt with them!  But at least she’ll be ok-except for still mean and hateful.  At least she won’t be in pain.  Poor cat!  And my sister, who is studying to become a Vet Tech has advised us to put her on a canned cat food diet, so I guess we’ll be doing that as well. 

And that is JANUARY folks!  Whew!  Bring on February…and, thanks for reading! 

Lola Philpott

 

When I was President of the White County Foster Parents Association, one of my favorite guest speakers, was Author, Foster Mom, and Co-Chairman of the Pulaski County Adoption Coalition, Christie Erwin, author of the Middle Mom.  She is actually, also a Coordinator for the Pulaski County Heart Gallery and a founding member of the Call (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime.) Christie is definatly one of my personal she-roes.  And she has a blog; themiddlemom.com.  I read her blogs as often as possible and this past week, she posed the Million Dollar Question, or Million Dollar Excuse, that we foster parents often hear when recruiting others, "But how does fostering effect my own kids??"  Christie's article, "Won't my biological kids be effected by foster care, two?"  I started to comment on her blog but then thought I would answer on my own blog, so here we are. 

I personally hear that excuse so many times.  "I really want to foster, but I wonder if it will effect my own kids."  I always answer, "YES!"  Fostering does effect your own biological children.  Let me explain how. 

When we first began thinking of fostering and hopefully, eventually to adopt, we not only talked to each other as husband and wife, but we also talked to Presley, frequently about the idea.  She was only about 5 when we began our journey, but we were sure to include her every step of the way.  We explained to her the paperwork as we filled it out.  We introduced her to caseworkers and the folks that came to do the homestudy.  After we had had a couple of kids, when she was about 6, she was outside playing house with her dolls.  I asked her about her babies and she pointed out which ones were biological, adopted and which ones were foster kids!  It was then that I realized, this fostering was having a tremendous impact on her! Of course I was very proud! 

Along the way, Presley also saw a failed adoption with the placement in our home of a pre-teen boy.  I equate failed adoptions along the lines of a misscarriage of the heart.  I've had both and feel qualified to make that parallel.  This child failed in our home because of choices he made and those choices did effect Presley because she was already attatching to him as a sister would a brother. Nonetheless, when it was ultimatly decided he could not return to our home and that we were unable to adopt him, Presley never gave up.  "Quit" never came out of her young mouth.  She continued her prayer.  She knew what she wanted, and she wanted a baby sister and a big brother.  Eventually, her prayers, as well as our own, were answered.  I think Presley is extremly well adjusted.  She is kind and compassionate and caring and funny and all the good things you would expect of an 11 year old today. 

Once, when she was in about the thrid grade or so, some kid made a comment about being poor and maybe nothaving enough to eat or something.  Presley had the solution!  She told the kid that they could call DHS and they would come get them and bring them to our house and her parents would take care of them!!  She told them her parents had plenty of food and would buy clothes for them and other things they needed!  I cracked up laughing when she told me this, and thought, man, this kid musta had nightmares for a week!  But that describes Presley-always wanting to help. 

Last year I saw Presley packing underwear in her backpack for school.  I asked her "what the heck was she doing?!"  She said a certain friend of hers only had one pair of underwear and her Mama couldn't afford to buy any, so she figured we could share.  Naturally, I explained that we didn't need to share underwear but that maybe she was onto something! 

Y'all, this is how fostering effects your own biological children.  It builds character and compassion.  I thought these were all things we wanted for our kids. 

And we've had such awesome foster kids too.  Many we think about to this day.  Some we keep in contact with.  Some have slipped our minds.  We had one little girl that left the day we were about to leave for Spring Break in Florida.  She was packed and ready to go with us and left us that day.  That made us all sad, because we were excited to take her with us. 

Presley remembers one little girl, a 16 month old baby that came to us directly from the ER.  She was beautiful and had about a size 10 foot print on the side of her small face, where Mama's boyfriend had kicked her, hours earlier.  Presley saw how scared that baby was of Presley's own Daddy and "Bubba" (her now adopted brother)  How at 16 months old she was scared of men and mens voices.  And she watched as her Daddy gently held that baby and whispered to her that "not all men are like that."  That effected Presley. 

Presley grew very close to a teenage girl we had that we all loved very much.  One night, that teenager that shared a bedroom with our girls, left, suddenly and without goodbye in the middle of the night, via the bedroom window.  That effected Presley.  But she still has a childs love for this foster kid and often wonders about her and prays for her.  This incident grew Presley's heart even more. 

Presley liked a big ole boy we had last summer.  He toted Presley around like a kitten and she enjoyed the attention.  He rapped and enjoyed football and Presley hung on his every word.  She didn't have a crush on him, but he was a "cool, older brother type." He got the cops called on him one afternoon when he lost his temper and became violent and threatened our family.  He broke 2 of our rules and had to leave.  We wished it hadn't been with the help of local law enfocement.  This effected Presley.  It didn't make her resentful or racist or anything negative, but again, she asked that we keep him in our prayers. 

Something else I always tell prospective foster parents too, is that before you accept any child into your home, talk it over with the kids.  We always explain what the situation is and about how long they may be with us.  I'm direct, so I also tell the kids what kinds of behaviors to look out for as well.  Sometimes our kids might say, "Mom, now isn't a good time, because____________." And we take that into account.  Most the time, if the kids say no, the answer is no.  But yet, other times, I feel as parents we have to make a decision best for our family and we might agree to take a kid anyways, despite what the kids say.  And I would say, in that instance, each time, we have all been blessed and the kids were glad we did.  We had a 15 year old over Christmas break and I'll be honest, at first, both John and Presley were a little reluctant to add someone new to our family over a holiday.  We listened to their reasons and mostly, they were a little childish and selfish.  Since we thought it was a good addition to our family, we took him in and guess what??  Both kids loved him!  John and him were inseperable and Presley did have a little crush on this Justin Bieber look-a-like!  He was perfect in our home and the kids learned a little lesson about compassion, especially during the holidays!!  Now they want him to come back to spend weekends!

Fostering is a big decsion, for sure.  I just think you need to use good common sense and have your house rules spelled out.  Don't bite off more than you can chew either.  That's important, because if you try to take on a situation that is too much for you, you're only going to harm the situation even more and possibly harm your family and children  in the process. 

And of course, pray about it.  Thanks for reading and as always, if you have any questions about fostering or adopting, let me know. 

Lola Philpott

Kids and Jobs

I'm so proud of the kids!  I guess any Mama is, but this is MY blog and MY kids! lol!! 

We really try to preach hard work and keep your nose to the grindstone kinda ethic and it looks as if its paying off. (haha pun intended!)   John has, in each of our last two neighborhoods managed to secure little after school jobs caring for neighbors dogs when they leave town.  As soon as we moved over here to the new place, he did the same thing and he gets to look out after "Brock" the neighbors Chocolate Lab.  And since they seem to go away a lot of weekends, he stays pretty busy and has extra cash. 
Presley, not to be outdone by a boy went out one afternoon after school to see if she might walk some dogs for folks.  She came home with a small, blonde girl! A kid! She got an afterschool babysitting job!! I cracked up laughing but then laid out some rules of my own, after all she is only 11.  I don't mind her babysitting as long as its at our house and only for short periods of time, like, not more than a few hours. 
Well she did a good job and quickly got a raise and now Presley is raking in the cash!  This has totally taught her responsability and hopefully will help to build a work ethic.
And since both "older" kids have "jobs" Addy has started helping out at home more with the chores.  Since she was about 3, she's been sorting laundry, but now we let her put away some of the dishes and help with the puppy. 
And lest you think the kids are all work and no play....well, lol, you don't know my kids very well!  They still find time to play outside and most nights it's all I can do to bring them in.  I like that.  We look at very little tv; except they do like their iPod Touches!! I guess I can't completely shelter them!

Something else funny...John had a quiz or a paper or something today in Social Studies and the question was asked, "Why didn't the christians worship any other gods?" Or something like that and John responded in scripture, Matthew 4:10, "Then Jesus said to him, 'Away with you Satan!  For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only you shall serve.'  I love a kid that knows the word!!

Let me close with a prayer requests that is heavy on my heart...
1) is this little Fella at church just found out he was diabetic.  He's 13 and just cute as a bug (my neice has a crush on him!) and recently found out he has diabetes. Please keep Grant in your prayers and he and his family adjust. 

Oh and one more thing, a shout out to my cousin, Jackie.  I forget how old she is, but she's older'n me!  Lol, she just recently went back to school, to obtain a degree, and I'm real proud of her!  It's difficult at our age n stage to step out of our box like that and do something a little unorthodox or something, but bless her heart!  You go girl!

Thanks for reading.
Lola Philpott