Older Child Adoption



Another "Florida picture" of the kids



Well, I hadn’t wrote anything in quite awhile.  We’ve been so busy with out of town guests, I haven’t had much time for much of anything, but I’ve sure enjoyed it!  It’s hard to believe we are in that stage of life where we have friends who have kids old enough to go to college.  But we do and with Harding Universities Spring Sing weekend we had a lot of guests of our own.   Our friends, the Manuel’s visited us right before Spring Break from Louisiana and although they don’t have kids college age yet, it was good to have them in our home a few days. 

                Then we went to Florida for our annual 10 day Spring Break vacation and when we returned, our friends, the Rodgers who live in the DC area visited, as Eric, jr checked out the Harding campus. 

                A few days later, my best friend and former room mate from Harding had her daughter up here with her Aunt from New Mexico.  They taught the kids a lot about the Navajo culture, as they are both full blooded Navajo Native Americans. 

                They were gone nearly a week when our old friends from Northwest Arkansas visited with their daughter to visit the Harding campus. 

                And finally, my sister from Indiana was down here a week teaching her classes in Equine Sports Massage Therapy.  Although she stayed with our Mom in a neighboring town, we spent a few evenings together catching up. 

                We have had our share of visiting and I am reminded of the verse in Hebrews, 13:2, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.”  I love having people in our home and even though not all were complete strangers, many we haven’t seen in 15-20 years and yet there was still a connection.  I call it a “Harding connection” but truly it is a “God connection.” 

                Think of the homes Christ was welcomed in.  Matthew welcomed him in Matt 9:10, Simon the Leper in Mark 14:3, of a Pharisee in Luke 7:36, and the list goes on and on.  Jesus was welcomed.  And often times, it is mentioned, and therefore obviously somewhat important that they “sat at the table.”  The kitchen table is important to us as country folks and as Christians and I hope I made others feel welcome by baking cookies, making desserts or fixing an entire supper.

I also, obviously think of the  foster kids we have in our home from time to time.  In my personal Bible study, I am studying the book of Ephesians and came back across something I had previously highlighted on another study.  Paul writes in 4:14, “We should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting…”  There is no way for me to read this and not think of the foster kids that have been in and out of our home.  “Children tossed to and fro” moving from one foster home to the next.  Most the time these kids are used to “being tossed around” as their parents had no “home” either and moved place to place staying with one relative or friend and then another.  The “trickery of men…” reminds me of the way people deceive these small children into teaching them to sell drugs, steal, lie and become otherwise manipulative.  I’m not sure that’s really what Paul was referring too, but those are the things going through my mind when I read that section. 

Something else that has been on my mind is “older child adoption.”  That’s such a close subject to our families heart.  Recently I had a friend contact me and she was praying about adopting an 11 year old distant relative.  This child has been pretty much left to raise herself and has been “staying with friends” the last 4 years! Can you imagine?  Presley is 11 and isn’t allowed to stay to many places for four hours, let alone four years!!  Anyway, her husband’s logical concern was “what problems would they be adopting as well?”  That’s a completely legitimate worry.  I understand that. I once had similar concerns. 

But as a child that grew up from a divorced home; a child that in my early years witnessed first-hand the problems alcoholism and drug abuse bring into a family; the problems abuse brings to the family, I know that the cycle can be stopped.  Forever laid to rest like the bag that once held the wine.  My Mom broke away from the abuse and saved herself and her children.  Although we were never physically abused, watching the abuse, witnessing the abuse and living in the abuse can be tough, but with the help of Jesus Christ we succumbed and in the Christian environment of my maternal grandparents we grew and thrived.  In reference to my friends concern, I asked her which of those behaviors had she ever known me to repeat.  She said, “None of them!” 

That’s my point, people!  That is one of my main most reasons TO adopt an older child.  Older children remember and have hopefully learned from their bio parents mistakes.  They know what caused them to be “taken away.”  They know what “caused” their parents to not be able to parent any longer. And hopefully they can learn to not repeat that pattern.  For this reason alone, I think it is beneficial to adopt older children. 

I also know it’s awesome to adopt a little, innocent, helpless baby.  But truly, as the kids grow up, who do you think will have the most questions?  I think as parents we can impact both children.  But these older children may cling that much more to the “new” family than you realize.  Our son has become a near clone of his Dad (my husband.)  And not that we’re perfect either, as David always tells the kids, take our good qualities and make them better.  I hope they all can leave our imperfections alone and strive to do better than we ever have, as parents, as citizens and as Christians for sure! 

And let me not glaze over the issues and challenges you will face with older child adoption.  Issues like trust and communication and hope will all have to be overcome.  These kids also have to learn to be parented; they often never have before.  You will be challenged and you will be rewarded!

I sure hope y’all will consider adoption.  Adoption is relative; it’s my relative! 

Thanks for reading!  Please, if you have any questions about adoption at all, let me help you or pray for you or whatever it is I can do, let me know!

Lola Philpott

This is very clearly a picture "just for Mom" as the kids look completly bored!!

When Love is in the House

Ok, so we just got back from our annual Spring Break pilgrimage to Florida.  Had a great time.  We have a lot of family there...David was born and raised there.  His Mom and sister live in Orlando's Moss Park.  His Dad and Step-Mom live in New Smyrna Beach as does his step-sister and her daughter.  My Grandpa lives in Riveria Beach and my Dad lives in Clearwater.  All the way there and just about all the way back we totally jammed to Toby Mac's "Alive and Transported" live cd/dvd.  Man, I LOVE that album!  Our family LOVES that album!
Toby Mac, Alive and Transported, live in Houston 2008. 

Our kids love the Song, I Don't Wanna Gain The Whole World (and lose my soul) and Catch the Fire (Ooooopsy Daisy)!  I love those songs as well as....well I just love ever song on there!  You gotta get it if ya can!  But I have two things I wanna say on this blog tonite that in a roundabout way have to do with this terrific album.

Number one: Boy, there are some lousy parents out there!  For some reason, maybe it was the 20+ hour, 2 day drive to Florida, but I thought alot about parenting.  And let me just say here and now, and many of you have heard me say it before, but I make plenty of mistakes.  I'm not saying I'm perfect; but, here are some of my complaints.
Worthless fathers.  What is with Dad's that just don't give a crap?  Again, I'm not taking any heat off worthless mothers too, but the fathers job is so important to kids.  I mean, God is our heavenly father.  Get it?  How can a kid that has an absent father learn to trust a man?  A father?  How can they truly learn to rely on God when their own flesh and blood father isn't there.  My Dad had plenty of excuses why he couldn't drive 4 hours to see me-even after we had driven all that way, so I speak from experience here.  My only saving grace was a Grand-dad whom helped raise us and four Uncles that influenced us in so many, many ways.  So, I was not surprised he made the choice he did.  But how about all these kids that have absent fathers? What are they to do?  What becomes of them?

Most people think of child support in monetary form.  I do not.  Child support, to me, is the Dad that is there for his kids.  You know the saying, "What's the best thing a Dad can do for his kid? Love his Mother."  Thats true.  But if for whatever worldly reason you can't love the Mama, by all means love that kid!  Be there for them!  Talk to them.  Care about them.  Anyone can be a sperm donor, but it takes someone special to be a daddy!  Surely you've heard that before.  Parent  those kids! 1 Timothy 5:8 says, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 

And while I'm on a rant, I get real sick and tired of hearing about people, with kids especially, getting divorced because they "don't get along."  What?!  What if your son said he wasn't going to be a brother to your daughter anymore, because they "don't get along?"  Really? That dog don't hunt, does it?  Well neither does being a Dad by merely sending a monthly check. 

Kids that have an absent father are more likely to join gangs and engage in risky behavior.  Smoking.  Drinking.  Casual sex.  Are any of these anything you want for your young children??  Heck no!  Then tell me what kind of sense it makes for parents to split up and move states away.  What kind of sense does it make to tell your kids "they can come visit anytime!"  That makes me want to spit!

I also think that is why God wants us to have two parent families, a Mom and a Dad!  Mama's and Daddy's parent differently.  I know this for a fact. From a foster mom's perspective, if we foster mom's had our ways we would baby these babies and never teach adequate responsibility, because we'd be so busy feeling sorry for them!  And I'm not saying certain other options can't work.  My Mom was a wonderful single parent.  She had help.  My grandparents were right there, morning, noon and night.  I also know some wonderful single foster-mom's that foster babies.  They're perfect.  I just think we need both parents to do an effective job.  How can John learn to be a man from me?  Lol, he can't, believe me, the tomboy in me only goes so far!  How can Presley learn how a man should treat her, if David was absent?  Thank goodness for the hardworking and wonderful Daddy David is; even if he does overprotect Addy!  And even if he is not perfect.

The Focus on the Family website has an article on the subject called, "The Involved Father" by Glen Stanton.  Mr.  Stanton says that Daddy's parent differently, play differently (throwing youngins in the air), build confidence, communicate and discipline differently. 

The Bible is filled with references as to how a father is to behave. Deuteronomy 1:29-31 is clear and states that fathers should strive to be men of God, "Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." (NIV) Protect your children.  Fight for your children.  Keep your eyes on your children.  This reminds me of the movie, Courageous.  A story about men of God. 

Psalm 103:13
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; (NIV) Compassion, man, there's a word there.  Merriam Websters defines compassion as "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it."  Isn't that what most parents want to do, is alleviate distress in our children?  I don't know how many times I've heard David tell our kids, he wants so much more for them.  More in ways of our world, our families and relationships, more knowledge, more everything.  Just more!

I could probably go on and on, and in fact I said early on, I had two points, so I guess I'll just blog later about my second subject and that was gonna be how many ways the Devil attempts to persecute us daily.  Satan comes in so many forms, friends, family, co-workers, etc.  How many times today, alone, did I find other Christians being made fun of or talked ill of.  Geez!  Christians aren't perfect.  We're just forgivven. 

I love that Toby Mac song, Catch the Fire and I've been a singin' it while I been a bloggin' but the one we rewind again and again and the one that even David loves (and like Minnie don't burn chicken, David don't do music) is When Love is in the House:

Love is in the house and the house is packed

So much so I left the back door cracked

Mama always said it's a matter of fact

that when love is in the house the house is packed

Check out Toby Mac at Tobymac.com

And I'll blog later about everone tryin' to bring us down!  "Haters spittin' vapors on my dreams!" -Toby Mac and I think that describes anyone trying to quench our fire for Jesus!

I know many of you kept our family in your prayers while we were gone and I thank y'all.  You kept us safe while the kids were boogie boardin' in the ocean with Aunt Amy and while we rode roller coasters at Disney World and while we traveled that long road 'tween here and there, thank you.
And thanks for reading!

Lola Philpott, An Arkansas Mom...you can take the girl outta Arkansas but you ain't gettin' Arkansas out the girl!

  

A favorite daddy-daughter moment for me; David just talking to Addy.

Presley, John and Addy, enjoying the surf and sun of Florida!

Searcy Lions Club for Adoption, Thanks for Having Me.

Mandy Heaton, Branch Manager of the Liberty Bank, Lowes Branch and me, Lola Philpott, at the Searcy Lions Club

On Tuesday I had the great honor to speak to the Searcy Lions Club.  That was pretty neat, since my sister is also a member!  I spoke about our Adoption Through Foster Care journey to many local bankers, businessmen and women and Harding University staff and professors.  I did my first ever Power Point presentation and started in the beginning when we had the unfortunate experience of a miscarriage early on, in 1999.  I used that example to also describe what it was like having a "failed adoption" with a boy we had hoped to adopt about 5 years ago.  When that too failed, it felt like "a miscarriage of the heart."  My point is, I've experienced them both and know the hurt and frustration and the heart break with each one. Miscarriage of any kind is like a death.  The end.  And it hurts. 

But I also talked about the joys of fostering and how that lead to two of our beautiful gifts from God, of course John and Addy.  And how we found the strength to continue our journey through Presley, our only biological child.  The child that prayed nonstop for a baby sister and an older brother, even though "the books" all warned us against going outside of birth order.  I guess Jesus forgot to read those books too, because he sure put John and Addy in our family for a reason! 

I enjoy speaking about this topic, obviously, because it is so important.  I just believe that foster kids deserve permanancy that adoption brings to not only a child, but a committed family as well.  I believe it is our christian duty to honor our Lord by taking care of these children that may feel the least in the eyes of society.  These kids didn't ask to be put in foster care and I say that a lot, but it's true and often forgotten.  Lots of people get caught up in stereotypes and forget the faces attatched to foster care.  So, I feel like it's my job, as a Christian, a Mother, an example to others, to take care of what God gives us as gifts...these kids.  Two of which are mine forever. 

I went over my allotted time a tad bit Tuesday, but I guess that was ok.  I do tend to be a little long winded, or I prefer the term, "passionate!"  Several people shared personal stories afterward and many hugged me with tears in their eyes, so I hope I touched people.  And again, I thank the Searcy Lions Club for the opportunity. 

I have been asked if I'd be interested in speaking to the Rotary Club in May and of course I said "YES!"  So, we'll see if that pans out.  I'll have to give the Readers Digest version, as I may only get half as much time to talk about something I could really go on for days about!

Also, Tuesday, John has his first track meet.  He is throwing shotput and discus and he wants to try the long jump at the next meet.  I'm so proud of him! He works out every morning with the football team, every afternoon with the track team and he still manages to make pretty good grades!  We have been so blessed by all 3 of our "gifts from God!"




Darvin Knight, Sales and Estimates and David taking care of paperwork.



On the business side of things, Spring is looking great!  We have 2 homes that can be ready to be moved into within 30 days, which is how long it would take to close anyway.  Two more in the construction stage and as soon as we begin building our personal home, the new house we built at the end of last year and moved into when we flipped our last house will be ready to be on the market and sold!  So we have lots of options for home buyers right now, from the $150's to the $225,000 range, we can fit your needs. Philpott Builders finally has an office, just off South Main street and we have been busy getting the office set up as well as both shop bays ready for the guys to work in.  The shops are heated and cooled which may spoil the guys as they're used to working in houses without those luxeries!  However, all this convienence should make us more efficient and more organized, thus, passing the savings onto the customers!  We are so looking forward to 2012.

One more thing about foster care before I forget.  We got a call for a 22 month old baby boy tonite and although we don't usually take the small ones, we decided it would be ok on this emergency basis-plus it was one of our favorite case workers!  So, we hung up the phone thinking that in just a few hours we have a little one running around again, even if only for a short time. 
We always let the kids have a say in the kids we take in; but since this was a baby and only temporary, we figured they'd be ok.  So, we pulled the kids together and told them we were getting a new todldler.  They were excited, especially the girls! Well we no sooner got the "news" out that we recieved another call saying DHS had found a more permanent foster home for this sweet boy and so he wouldn't be coming to afterall.  We were all disappointed.  But poor Addy....she got angry!  When you're 5, how else do you show confusion?  She said, "But Mama!! I don't understand!"  Bless her heart, so I had to explain how this little boy did need a family, but he needed what was best for him, not what was fun for us! I tried to explain that we were only going to be able to keep him a few days because of our schedules, but that another family could keep him much longer, if need be. She seemed ok with this and quickly moved onto play dough and singing songs. 

Found this on Facebook today and loved it.  See what a differene two small changes made?  Two.  The difference between life.  And death. 

Thanks for reading!                                                             
Lola Philpott



This is my Mom and our kids in Tennessee last fall.  Since I was on vacation, we got to attend Sunday Morning services at the Westside church of Christ in Cookeville with some of my cousins and their families.



So, I work on Sunday's at the Police Department.  That's good and bad.  Bad because obviously I'm missing a great day with the family.  But ok (really not good or ideal, but ok) because I work for a department where on Sunday's, many of the officers take their "lunch break" and attend church services and I get the same freedom.  Only it's a tad different for dispatchers.  If I'm by myself that particular Sunday (which I'm not often) I can't leave to go.  And if we're busy, I will not leave my co-worker and go. In either case, I only have 1 hour for lunch and that has to include my time going to actually get lunch, so I work it out so that I can go to church for about 35 minutes or so; until after the Lord's Super.   As a family, we go most Sunday nights.

Last Sunday was one of those Sunday's where I got to go both Morning and at night.  In the morning service, we sang the familiar hymn, Anywhere With Jesus, by Jesse B Pounds.  I've pry sang it a thousand times.  Heard it a thousand times, but I don't guess I've ever listened to it.  At least not closely, cuz Sunday it struck me how this song relates to foster kids. 

Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go,
Anywhere He leads me in this world below;
Anywhere without Him dearest joys would fade;
Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid.

I pictured a foster kid, maybe one that I've had, in somekind of desperate situation. Being beaten.  Sexually abused.  Starved. Neglected. We had a little boy, I think he was 6 years old at the time, he had been sleeping outside and eating out of dumpsters, so I kinda pictured this kid.  He was so under nourished, he was no bigger than Addy who was 4 at the time and he weighed less!  I imagined him dumpster diving for food scraps..."Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go" as rats were surley around the dumpster, as well as broken glass, in his neighborhood, probably used needles.
"Anywhere he leads me..." I pictured this kid and all the others, holding the hand of a kind, but overworked DHS worker and being led to the safety of her car. "Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid." 

I've seen some brave faces come through our doors.  Teenagers put on the bravest face.  They act like it's no big deal when I explain the rules of our household to them. They agree to the chores I set out in front of them.  They promise to do good.  But I know they're scared.  Weary.  Maybe a little bit unsure of themselves. 

"Other friends may fail me, He is still my own" reminds me of a 17 year old girl we had that had such low self esteem, from years of being tossed around like garbage by her biological Mom, and then being tossed out by an adoption placement worse case scenerio when the "adoptive Mom" and her new Honey decided a 17 year old troubled teen didn't fit their picture of a "family." I used to try to encourage her and uplift her and get her to be a leader.  Enstead, she seemed bent on following other kids that seemed "outcast."  Self esteem is a hard battle to fight, especially when you've never had an edge to begin with. 

This verse really gets me:
Anywhere with Jesus I can go to sleep,
When the dark’ning shadows round about me creep,
Knowing I shall waken nevermore to roam;
Anywhere with Jesus will be home, sweet home.

I remember one time, one of our older foster kids was having trouble with a new foster kid he was having to share a room with.  The older one complained that the younger one didn't sleep well at night and kept him up.  I told him to give the younger one time to adapt."Don't you remember your first couple of nights in foster care and how you felt?"  And the older one, who was about 11 at the time said, "Yes, I do!  I remeber how good it felt to sleep in a bed, all by myelf with pillows and a blanket!  That was my first time ever!"  That child was 5 when he came into foster care, and that was the first bed he ever slept in!!  I now understood where he was coming from!
That same older kid once told me when he was really little, maybe 3 or 4 years old, they lived in an old trailer, deep in the wooded hills of a neighboring county.  At night, he thinks when his Mom and step-dad were doing drugs or fighting, they would push this little boy outside, in the dark and the cold.  They would tell him to walk to his Grandmothers neighboring trailer, even though her trailer was a ways off, into the trees and unknown.  Scared, this little boy, who I remind you was only 3 and 4 would just go to sleep on the porch of the trailer, uncovered and usually unfed.  The "porch" was actually just a couple of pallets close to the ground, stacked up and barely above the mud and earth.  And this song, "Anywhere With Jesus" struck me Sunday.  I thought of that little boy and the other kids we've had while we've fostered.  You might be surprised at how relisient these kids are!!  They have taught me so much about Jesus!  About his compassion.
A friend of mine, who adopted 5 foster children and fostered many more, said one time a little bitty boy told her, as she tucked him in at night, that he wasn't scared to go to sleep, "Cuz God never sleeps!"
Many times, these kids have told me they weren't scared, that they just trusted Jesus! 

Especially when a kid has been physically abused, the first thing we tell them is that they will not be "hurt" at our house!  The next thing and the most important is about Jesus.  I love reading to these kids and telling them stories.  All kinds of stories, but especially Bible stories.  Our girls have some of the best, neatest little Bible books and stories.  It's so important.  When a potential foster parent says to me, "I don't know if I can really help them or not."  I tell them, "If you touch that child for one day, one week, a year, you have showed that child Jesus.  You have shown them how a "normal" family interacts.  They take that with them forever!"  I just so believe that we make a difference.  We as foster parents.  We as a community.  We as families. 

Thanks for reading!! Have a great rest of the week!

Lola Philpott

The Rant! Kids need jobs and responsibility as well as love and care!

John volunteering at a Bikers for Foster Kids event!

Presley and her friend Morgan "selling" houses at the Get Down Downtown event last fall.

http://youtu.be/kl1ujzRidmU

Click on the link above if you missed my video I posted earlier today on Facebook.

I knew when I saw this video this morning, there were gonna be liberals have a problem with it.  I knew the liberal media would jump on this like a pitbull on a 3 legged cat!! I knew it! 

Let me tell y'all somethin' about the Philpott's.  We ain't too much different than this guys family it sounds like.  Our kids have chores.  ALL kids.  Little kids-Addy.  Foster kids.  Bio kids and adopted kids. 

John is 14.  Every morning he gets up and lets the dog out.  Since she sleeps in the garage, he cleans up any "accidents" she may have had the night before.  He helps his baby sister get dressed  and he does her hair.  After school he empties the tea maker, cleans the tea maker, makes his bed, takes out the trash, helps clean up after supper, sometimes, after school he has to help his Dad build houses and every weekend he works with his Dad or some other group of Philpott Builders building houses.  Most afternoons, weather permitting he rides his scooter to check on said jobs and make sure doors are locked, keys secured and expensive tools are put up.  He has a pet Bearded Dragon that he has to feed and clean and care for. 

Presley is 11.  Every morning she makes her and her sisters bed.  She has enough trouble getting herself ready for for school, so the rest of her chores are afterschool chores.  She has to unload the dishwasher, clean the cat litter, clean the countertops, carry everyones dirty clothes basket to the laundry room, then she WALKS to the kids house she babysits afterschool and she babysits for at least 1 hour and usually 2.  AND she watches her sister.  She walks the dog.  She helps pick up trash on job sites.  She sweeps up sawdust, and runs errands for workers on jobsites.   She has a beta fish she has to feed, clean and care for.  And back to the babysitting....she takes this very seriously.  She makes up games and activities for the kids to do.  She takes PRIDE in her babysitting job!

Addy is 5.  She has sorted laundry since she was 3.  That is how she learned her colors.  She helps Sissy put away the dishes from the dishwasher.  She picks up her toys and she helps make her own bed.  She cleans up messes.  She helps make supper.  Sometimes if Bubba is busy, she feeds and waters the dog.  She picks up trash from jobsites.  She runs errands for workers on jobsites.  She knows what a hammer is and a paintbrush and she knows the difference between duck tape and painters tape.  She is 5.

Are these kids slaves??  Merriam Websters defines Slave as: "a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
or one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence."  Thats what one liberal group was spouting off about in reference to this video.  That kids are not meant to be slaves.  Really?? I love history.  I know an awful lot about history.  I seriously doubt my KIDS are slaves.  They get room and board.  They get good clothes.  Some are hand me downs, but many are name brands.  They get free (to them anyway) medical care.  They have laptops, Ipods, cell phones and rollar skates.  They play sports; football, track, soccer.  So they get sports equipment, money for games, free transportation, the rarely ride a bus!  I think its very ignorant for liberals to jump on this guy and say he treated his daughter as a slave.  That laptop he shot up with his .45? That was HIS laptop. He bought that!  She didn't.  She  merely borrowed it!  She barely assumed ownership and I say barely cuz HE was the one that took care of the upkeep, etc.   These kids today, and I mean mine included are so spoiled.  They have so much more than we had as kids.  A friend of mine posted a thing the other day....she said, remember when we were kids and we all had them old timey Nintendo's?  And if a game didn't work, we just pulled the cartridge out, blew on it and it magically worked again??  She said, "How did we know this??"  Kids all over the Nation did this and we didn't have any message board or facebook to post problems on, but somehow we got through!  She said "kids today are soft!" And it's true!   I want my kids to have more than I did. Not just materially, but otherwise too.  I demand more of my kids then truly my Mom demanded of me.  It takes more for kids these days.  I have high expectations.  Yes, John works his 14 year old hind off, but you know what?  He gets all that I mentioned above, PLUS, he "gets" respect from other kids and their parents, he also "gets" consideration from teachers and community leaders, he "gets" good grades and he absolutly gets our love and attention.  Same for Presley.  Same for Addy.  In life, you get what you give.  My kids give alot.  I want them to get a lot, too.   Again, are my kids perfect?  Heck no!  Am I perfect or David perfect?? HEEEEEECK no!  I just believe you can't pamper these kids hind ends!  I don't think we need to try to be friends with our kids. What the heck do I want with an 11 year old friend anyway??  Not a dern thing!  I gotta enough to deal with-I don't need that middle school mess/drama all over again!  When we quit trying to please our kids and make them happy at every turn, I think they do better in the long run.  Kids want direction and discipline.  They need this! They want to know their boundaries where they fit in the grand scheme of things.   I remember one time, John told us, before we adopted him, that he actually felt good when we got on to him, "cuz that means you actually care.

 

Thanks for reading! 

Lola Philpott

Explaining Adoption to a pre-schooler

We've really never kept it a secret that we have two adopted children.  John was 10 when he came to us, so obviously, he knows.  In some ways, it's kind of easier that way. 
But Addy was five months old when she came to us as a very sick little foster baby. She has really never known any other family as her own.  We are it.  And for that I am so thankful.

Since Presley has been little, at different times, like at bedtimes, maybe if she wasn't feeling well or something, as a comfort to her, I might lay down beside her and I tell her all about her "birth story."  About how we found out I was pregnant and how I told Daddy, then up through the labor and delivery and her hospital stay and all that.  Presley has quite a tale herself. 

I guess when Addy was about 3, she heard me telling Presley about her story and naturally, she wanted to know her "baby story."  I remember thinking, "o crap, here is the BIG question!"  But, I also thought the adoption story shouldn't be any different then the "sex" talk or the "drug and alcohol" talk.  Keep it age appropriate and only answer the question asked.  So, when Addy asked "was she in my womb too?"  I simply answered, "no" but then added "you were in my heart tho..." and that pacified her for that night.  That year for Christmas, I bought Addy a book by Keiko Kasza called "A Mother for Choco."  This is a book about a little chick looking for his Mama.  He begins by looking for other feathered fowls like him but can't find anyone to love him.  Ultimatly, if I remember correctly, he finds his Mama.  She's a brown bear that also has a brown bear cub, a baby hippo and a baby alligator and she loves them all the same and very much!  I couldn't wait to read it to her!

About a year or so later, fast forward to last fall, getting near Christmas, and we were in the vehicle (where the best conversations take place) and somehow the topic came up again.  Talking about something or other and again, Presley said she was from my womb.  Addy asked was she from my womb also and I told her "No baby,  you came from another ladies womb, but God gave you to us to raise.  You were a gift that God gave us!" she seemed to chew on that for a moment, then John said, "Like me, Addy!  I came from someone else's womb too, but then God gave me to our parents, Mom and Dad!"  Well then Addy got excited and she thought at least her and John came from the same womb.  No, we had to start over and go back to keeping it simple.  And I explained again, that God blessed me and Daddy with three gifts; Presley, Addy and John.  And we opened each package and this is what we got!! The best present ever! Addy was satisfied.  Age appropriate.  Holiday appropriate. And simple!

Then today, for whatever reason, Addy asked again about I explained that no, Presley was the only one to grow in there and she said "Ewwww."  Hmmm, now I'm kinda stumped, so I left it alone.  Again, we get back in the vehicle and she asks again where she came from.  I told her, she grew in someone else's womb and then God gave her to us to raise and we "are your forever parents.  You will always be our daughter and we will always be your parents."  She's good.  That's fine.  She probably isn't even thinking about it today.  But I think about it and ponder it and wonder if I said the right thing.  Have I said too much? 

So, I did what any good American does when they have a question...I googled it.  Of course there are about a thousand opinions on it.  I think that adoption, just like sex, drugs and rock n roll (haha, I just had to add that!) should be answered in age appropriate responses.  And only answering the question she asked.  I did read that some psychologists think that the childs mind is unable to grasp a concept as complex as adoption, and they suggested waiting until age 8.  I don't know about that.  I think again, every child is different.  Addy, to me, is extremely intelligent and I think she grasps a whole lot more than even I could guess.  I also think that they way she views adoption will largely be based off me and David's views of adoption. She is certainly loved and definatly not loved anymore or less than Presley or John, for that matter.  I'm hoping these little bits and pieces to the puzzle can all come together for her someday. 

And that is why I'm glad God saw fit for us to have a biological child first.  I have never questioned my love for any of my children.  I've never had to wonder if I love my adopted kids the same way I would love a bio kid. I can tell you, without a doubt, I love them the same.  I love them differently, but equally!  Blood ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'!  In fact, truly, most the time, I forget Addy is adopted.  Shoot, sometimes I forget John is adopted!  Addy acts just like me and Presley!  And John is so much like David, most people assume he was David's, maybe from another relationship!!!  Either way, we are wading through this sea of adoption explanations. 

I've also told the kids before, and maybe we need to revisit this Bible story, but of course Moses was adopted.  He was perhaps the first adopted child ever.  And Jesus was not Joseph's son by blood, he was just as adopted, and both of them turned our great! 

Let me mention one thing about older child adoption too, since we're kinda on the subject.  One big difference between older child adoption and adopting a baby, is like what we're going through with Addy right now.  I'm sure her little mind has so many questions and a lot of confusion about her past.  And certainly if she doesn't yet, she will!  It's going to be real hard when she starts asking questions about the bio parent(s).  But with John, he pretty much knows his story top to bottom.  He was there.  Thats hard, because that means my son has seen and felt hurt and rejection.  He has seen hunger and true pain.  Addy hasn't seen or felt any of those things, at least that she immediatly remembers.  John knows and he knows he's been blessed. John doesn't have to question the facts, although I bet he has a whole of "why?"  But with that, John at age 14 can pretty much verbalize his feelings and questions.  Addy at age 5 only knows she has a "feeling" but won't know how to communicate it.  And that's where we use a lot of books and whole lot of prayer.  A whole, whole lot of reassurance for both kids, mixed with love and acceptance.  I wish more people considered older child adoption.  In most states, including Arkansas, "older" is defined legally as any child over the age of two!  There is such a need.  And these kids are worth it! 

Thanks for reading!
Lola Philpott

And God Created Dispatchers

 

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer each one. 

 The Dispatchers Bible verse. ;)

 

Every Sunday Morning as I head to work, I think about what it means to be a Dispatcher for a Police/Fire Department.  I am up at 4:30 and out the door in an hour.  No matter the weather, or often, how I feel, my family sleeps in and I go to work.  Sometimes I wish I had weekends off, so I could spend time with the family and I sure do wish I could go to church in Sunday mornings, but as I say, "Sallie Mae likes me paying back those school loans, so I must go." 

Dispatching is crazy at best.  I once heard a Lieutenant describe it to a new employee (who once again, didn't last) as "going 0 to 60 in just a matter of seconds!"  And that is a fact!  Sometimes we can literally be about to fall asleep.  Our radio room can get warm and quite comfy at times.  And with just one call, we may have an accident with injury, a domestic involving weapons, a housefire or a lady just wanting to speak to Animal Control.  Any number of scenerios happen everyday.  Yes, in our small town, we have homicides, suicides and fatalities.  Somehow, I am able to turn the switch off when bad things happen.  And yes, we develop a "weird" sense of humor.  But usually, it is a very busy, heart of the Police Department.  The center of a storm.

The most disturbing thing I've ever heard was a rape in progress.  She called 911 from a phone we were unable to track and the only clues we ever had was, 1) it was a boyfriend or someone she knew and loved. She told him she loved him, and she begged and pleaded... 2) they were on a dirt road or a gravel driveway.  I listened for a long, long time, to every last sick detail, trying to figure out where she was. I wanted so bad to help her!  She never talked to me.  We rewound the "tape" over and over again listening for clues but we were never able to help her.  And the rape, as far as we know, went like many other sexual assaults-unreported. 

The only other thing that ever really upsets me is when a child is involved.  I hate more than anything to have a little girl call 911 and tell me "Daddy is hitting Mommy" or most likely these days, "Mama's boyfriend is hitting her!"  I was that little girl when I was very small and I know what that's like and it's scary.  I wish every woman was as strong as my Mom and would leave the situtation.  But mostly, women don't leave; they just call back Monday asking how they can "drop charges." 

When it's been really bad, I just call my husband on his cell phone and all I have to say is, "Honey, it's bad.  It's real bad."  And he just stays on the line with me, never saying anything, only breathing, but thats enough to comfort me through the next several hours.  I have never had to leave a shift.

Being a Dispatcher is hard, but we do have an awful lot of fun.  Most the ladies I work with have very tight bonds and we do an awful lot of cutting up!  We laugh till the tears roll. Sometimes we get catty and we fight and get snippy, but we're a very tight unit.  And the Police Officers we work with are truly like our brothers.  We have their back and we tell em where to go-literally!  We sure don't make a lot of money at our job, but we're dedicated! 

A lady I work with, Miss Norma forwarded this e mail to me and I wanted to share it, cuz it truly brought me to tears first thing this morning (thanks alot Miss Norma)!

AND GOD CREATED DISPATCHERS

The angel walked in and found the Lord walking around in a small circle and muttering to himself. "What are you working on now lord?' he asked. "Well I finished creating a peace officer, now I'm working on a dispatcher"Since the angel could see nothing in the room, he asked God to tell him about it. "It's some what like the police officer model, it has 5 hands-one for answering the phone, two for typing, one for answering the radio, and one for grabbing a cup of coffee. The arms had to be placed fairly carefully since all the tasks a dispatcher does, have to be done simultaneously. The digestive system is a little complicated, since it runs on coffee, and food that can be delivered, but seldom needs to get up for the rest room. I made the skin tempered duralite covered with Teflon. A dispatchers hide has to be tough enough to withstand darts from cranky officers, jabs from citizens, and lack of attention by administration, but not show any signs of wear and tear. Unlike a police officer it only needs one pair of eyes, so that left extra room for the ears. There are five sets of ears, one set for the telephone, one for the main radio, two for the other radios it has to monitor, and one to hear everything else going on around it. They fit all right on the head, since it had to be extra large for the brain. The brain has to be enormous so it can remember a full set of 10 codes, phonetic alphabet, at least two hundred different voices, the entire contents of three different SOP manuals, two Teletype manuals, and an NCIC code book. Of course I left enough extra space for it to learn the individual quirks of every different SGT., LT., Shift commander, fire chief, and other supervisor, and the ability to keep them all straight. There also has to be room for it to learn which situations need an officer and which don't, and also the ability to determine in less than two minutes what to do for any given event. There is a built in condenser so it can take an hour long explanation, put it into 30 seconds worth of radio transmission, but still get the whole story across. Those switches on the front are for the emotions. It has to be able to talk to a mother who's child has just died without pain, a rape victim with empathy, a suicidal person with calmness and reassurance, and abusive drunk without getting angry. When one of the officers yells for help, it can't panic, and when someone doesn't make it, the dispatchers heart mustn't break. The little soft spot just to the left of the emotion switch is for abandoned animals, frightened children, and little old ladies who are lonely and just want to talk to someone for a few minutes. The dispatcher has to care very much for the officers and firefighters it serves, without getting personally involved with any of them, so I added another switch for that. Plus of course, the dispatcher can't have any of its own issues to worry about while it is on duty, so that last switch turns those off. The patience switch is turned up to high all the time on the CTO model, and I've added an extra fuse to those to those to handle the overload. A dispatcher has to be able to function efficiently under less than good physical conditions, and be flexible enough to withstand whatever whim the administration comes up with, while still retaining it's general shape and form. That warm fuzzy shoulder is, there for officers to use when they gripe, other dispatchers when they hurt, and for those who are shell shocked by a horrible call and just need someone to be there. The voice gave me a little trouble, it has to be clear and easy to understand, calm and even when everyone else is screaming, but still able to convey empathy and caring while remaining totally professional. It runs for a full 12 hours on very little sleep, requires almost no days off, and gets paid less than an executive secretary. "The dispatcher sounds wonderful lord", said the angel, "Where is this amazing creation?" "Well you see," answered the supreme being "Dispatchers are invisible unless they make a mistake. So it's practically impossible to tell when they are run down, worn out or in need of repair. Now that I've created them, I can't see the original model to make enough of them to go around.