Older Child Adoption



Another "Florida picture" of the kids



Well, I hadn’t wrote anything in quite awhile.  We’ve been so busy with out of town guests, I haven’t had much time for much of anything, but I’ve sure enjoyed it!  It’s hard to believe we are in that stage of life where we have friends who have kids old enough to go to college.  But we do and with Harding Universities Spring Sing weekend we had a lot of guests of our own.   Our friends, the Manuel’s visited us right before Spring Break from Louisiana and although they don’t have kids college age yet, it was good to have them in our home a few days. 

                Then we went to Florida for our annual 10 day Spring Break vacation and when we returned, our friends, the Rodgers who live in the DC area visited, as Eric, jr checked out the Harding campus. 

                A few days later, my best friend and former room mate from Harding had her daughter up here with her Aunt from New Mexico.  They taught the kids a lot about the Navajo culture, as they are both full blooded Navajo Native Americans. 

                They were gone nearly a week when our old friends from Northwest Arkansas visited with their daughter to visit the Harding campus. 

                And finally, my sister from Indiana was down here a week teaching her classes in Equine Sports Massage Therapy.  Although she stayed with our Mom in a neighboring town, we spent a few evenings together catching up. 

                We have had our share of visiting and I am reminded of the verse in Hebrews, 13:2, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.”  I love having people in our home and even though not all were complete strangers, many we haven’t seen in 15-20 years and yet there was still a connection.  I call it a “Harding connection” but truly it is a “God connection.” 

                Think of the homes Christ was welcomed in.  Matthew welcomed him in Matt 9:10, Simon the Leper in Mark 14:3, of a Pharisee in Luke 7:36, and the list goes on and on.  Jesus was welcomed.  And often times, it is mentioned, and therefore obviously somewhat important that they “sat at the table.”  The kitchen table is important to us as country folks and as Christians and I hope I made others feel welcome by baking cookies, making desserts or fixing an entire supper.

I also, obviously think of the  foster kids we have in our home from time to time.  In my personal Bible study, I am studying the book of Ephesians and came back across something I had previously highlighted on another study.  Paul writes in 4:14, “We should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting…”  There is no way for me to read this and not think of the foster kids that have been in and out of our home.  “Children tossed to and fro” moving from one foster home to the next.  Most the time these kids are used to “being tossed around” as their parents had no “home” either and moved place to place staying with one relative or friend and then another.  The “trickery of men…” reminds me of the way people deceive these small children into teaching them to sell drugs, steal, lie and become otherwise manipulative.  I’m not sure that’s really what Paul was referring too, but those are the things going through my mind when I read that section. 

Something else that has been on my mind is “older child adoption.”  That’s such a close subject to our families heart.  Recently I had a friend contact me and she was praying about adopting an 11 year old distant relative.  This child has been pretty much left to raise herself and has been “staying with friends” the last 4 years! Can you imagine?  Presley is 11 and isn’t allowed to stay to many places for four hours, let alone four years!!  Anyway, her husband’s logical concern was “what problems would they be adopting as well?”  That’s a completely legitimate worry.  I understand that. I once had similar concerns. 

But as a child that grew up from a divorced home; a child that in my early years witnessed first-hand the problems alcoholism and drug abuse bring into a family; the problems abuse brings to the family, I know that the cycle can be stopped.  Forever laid to rest like the bag that once held the wine.  My Mom broke away from the abuse and saved herself and her children.  Although we were never physically abused, watching the abuse, witnessing the abuse and living in the abuse can be tough, but with the help of Jesus Christ we succumbed and in the Christian environment of my maternal grandparents we grew and thrived.  In reference to my friends concern, I asked her which of those behaviors had she ever known me to repeat.  She said, “None of them!” 

That’s my point, people!  That is one of my main most reasons TO adopt an older child.  Older children remember and have hopefully learned from their bio parents mistakes.  They know what caused them to be “taken away.”  They know what “caused” their parents to not be able to parent any longer. And hopefully they can learn to not repeat that pattern.  For this reason alone, I think it is beneficial to adopt older children. 

I also know it’s awesome to adopt a little, innocent, helpless baby.  But truly, as the kids grow up, who do you think will have the most questions?  I think as parents we can impact both children.  But these older children may cling that much more to the “new” family than you realize.  Our son has become a near clone of his Dad (my husband.)  And not that we’re perfect either, as David always tells the kids, take our good qualities and make them better.  I hope they all can leave our imperfections alone and strive to do better than we ever have, as parents, as citizens and as Christians for sure! 

And let me not glaze over the issues and challenges you will face with older child adoption.  Issues like trust and communication and hope will all have to be overcome.  These kids also have to learn to be parented; they often never have before.  You will be challenged and you will be rewarded!

I sure hope y’all will consider adoption.  Adoption is relative; it’s my relative! 

Thanks for reading!  Please, if you have any questions about adoption at all, let me help you or pray for you or whatever it is I can do, let me know!

Lola Philpott

This is very clearly a picture "just for Mom" as the kids look completly bored!!