This is my Mom and our kids in Tennessee last fall.  Since I was on vacation, we got to attend Sunday Morning services at the Westside church of Christ in Cookeville with some of my cousins and their families.



So, I work on Sunday's at the Police Department.  That's good and bad.  Bad because obviously I'm missing a great day with the family.  But ok (really not good or ideal, but ok) because I work for a department where on Sunday's, many of the officers take their "lunch break" and attend church services and I get the same freedom.  Only it's a tad different for dispatchers.  If I'm by myself that particular Sunday (which I'm not often) I can't leave to go.  And if we're busy, I will not leave my co-worker and go. In either case, I only have 1 hour for lunch and that has to include my time going to actually get lunch, so I work it out so that I can go to church for about 35 minutes or so; until after the Lord's Super.   As a family, we go most Sunday nights.

Last Sunday was one of those Sunday's where I got to go both Morning and at night.  In the morning service, we sang the familiar hymn, Anywhere With Jesus, by Jesse B Pounds.  I've pry sang it a thousand times.  Heard it a thousand times, but I don't guess I've ever listened to it.  At least not closely, cuz Sunday it struck me how this song relates to foster kids. 

Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go,
Anywhere He leads me in this world below;
Anywhere without Him dearest joys would fade;
Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid.

I pictured a foster kid, maybe one that I've had, in somekind of desperate situation. Being beaten.  Sexually abused.  Starved. Neglected. We had a little boy, I think he was 6 years old at the time, he had been sleeping outside and eating out of dumpsters, so I kinda pictured this kid.  He was so under nourished, he was no bigger than Addy who was 4 at the time and he weighed less!  I imagined him dumpster diving for food scraps..."Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go" as rats were surley around the dumpster, as well as broken glass, in his neighborhood, probably used needles.
"Anywhere he leads me..." I pictured this kid and all the others, holding the hand of a kind, but overworked DHS worker and being led to the safety of her car. "Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid." 

I've seen some brave faces come through our doors.  Teenagers put on the bravest face.  They act like it's no big deal when I explain the rules of our household to them. They agree to the chores I set out in front of them.  They promise to do good.  But I know they're scared.  Weary.  Maybe a little bit unsure of themselves. 

"Other friends may fail me, He is still my own" reminds me of a 17 year old girl we had that had such low self esteem, from years of being tossed around like garbage by her biological Mom, and then being tossed out by an adoption placement worse case scenerio when the "adoptive Mom" and her new Honey decided a 17 year old troubled teen didn't fit their picture of a "family." I used to try to encourage her and uplift her and get her to be a leader.  Enstead, she seemed bent on following other kids that seemed "outcast."  Self esteem is a hard battle to fight, especially when you've never had an edge to begin with. 

This verse really gets me:
Anywhere with Jesus I can go to sleep,
When the dark’ning shadows round about me creep,
Knowing I shall waken nevermore to roam;
Anywhere with Jesus will be home, sweet home.

I remember one time, one of our older foster kids was having trouble with a new foster kid he was having to share a room with.  The older one complained that the younger one didn't sleep well at night and kept him up.  I told him to give the younger one time to adapt."Don't you remember your first couple of nights in foster care and how you felt?"  And the older one, who was about 11 at the time said, "Yes, I do!  I remeber how good it felt to sleep in a bed, all by myelf with pillows and a blanket!  That was my first time ever!"  That child was 5 when he came into foster care, and that was the first bed he ever slept in!!  I now understood where he was coming from!
That same older kid once told me when he was really little, maybe 3 or 4 years old, they lived in an old trailer, deep in the wooded hills of a neighboring county.  At night, he thinks when his Mom and step-dad were doing drugs or fighting, they would push this little boy outside, in the dark and the cold.  They would tell him to walk to his Grandmothers neighboring trailer, even though her trailer was a ways off, into the trees and unknown.  Scared, this little boy, who I remind you was only 3 and 4 would just go to sleep on the porch of the trailer, uncovered and usually unfed.  The "porch" was actually just a couple of pallets close to the ground, stacked up and barely above the mud and earth.  And this song, "Anywhere With Jesus" struck me Sunday.  I thought of that little boy and the other kids we've had while we've fostered.  You might be surprised at how relisient these kids are!!  They have taught me so much about Jesus!  About his compassion.
A friend of mine, who adopted 5 foster children and fostered many more, said one time a little bitty boy told her, as she tucked him in at night, that he wasn't scared to go to sleep, "Cuz God never sleeps!"
Many times, these kids have told me they weren't scared, that they just trusted Jesus! 

Especially when a kid has been physically abused, the first thing we tell them is that they will not be "hurt" at our house!  The next thing and the most important is about Jesus.  I love reading to these kids and telling them stories.  All kinds of stories, but especially Bible stories.  Our girls have some of the best, neatest little Bible books and stories.  It's so important.  When a potential foster parent says to me, "I don't know if I can really help them or not."  I tell them, "If you touch that child for one day, one week, a year, you have showed that child Jesus.  You have shown them how a "normal" family interacts.  They take that with them forever!"  I just so believe that we make a difference.  We as foster parents.  We as a community.  We as families. 

Thanks for reading!! Have a great rest of the week!

Lola Philpott

The Rant! Kids need jobs and responsibility as well as love and care!

John volunteering at a Bikers for Foster Kids event!

Presley and her friend Morgan "selling" houses at the Get Down Downtown event last fall.

http://youtu.be/kl1ujzRidmU

Click on the link above if you missed my video I posted earlier today on Facebook.

I knew when I saw this video this morning, there were gonna be liberals have a problem with it.  I knew the liberal media would jump on this like a pitbull on a 3 legged cat!! I knew it! 

Let me tell y'all somethin' about the Philpott's.  We ain't too much different than this guys family it sounds like.  Our kids have chores.  ALL kids.  Little kids-Addy.  Foster kids.  Bio kids and adopted kids. 

John is 14.  Every morning he gets up and lets the dog out.  Since she sleeps in the garage, he cleans up any "accidents" she may have had the night before.  He helps his baby sister get dressed  and he does her hair.  After school he empties the tea maker, cleans the tea maker, makes his bed, takes out the trash, helps clean up after supper, sometimes, after school he has to help his Dad build houses and every weekend he works with his Dad or some other group of Philpott Builders building houses.  Most afternoons, weather permitting he rides his scooter to check on said jobs and make sure doors are locked, keys secured and expensive tools are put up.  He has a pet Bearded Dragon that he has to feed and clean and care for. 

Presley is 11.  Every morning she makes her and her sisters bed.  She has enough trouble getting herself ready for for school, so the rest of her chores are afterschool chores.  She has to unload the dishwasher, clean the cat litter, clean the countertops, carry everyones dirty clothes basket to the laundry room, then she WALKS to the kids house she babysits afterschool and she babysits for at least 1 hour and usually 2.  AND she watches her sister.  She walks the dog.  She helps pick up trash on job sites.  She sweeps up sawdust, and runs errands for workers on jobsites.   She has a beta fish she has to feed, clean and care for.  And back to the babysitting....she takes this very seriously.  She makes up games and activities for the kids to do.  She takes PRIDE in her babysitting job!

Addy is 5.  She has sorted laundry since she was 3.  That is how she learned her colors.  She helps Sissy put away the dishes from the dishwasher.  She picks up her toys and she helps make her own bed.  She cleans up messes.  She helps make supper.  Sometimes if Bubba is busy, she feeds and waters the dog.  She picks up trash from jobsites.  She runs errands for workers on jobsites.  She knows what a hammer is and a paintbrush and she knows the difference between duck tape and painters tape.  She is 5.

Are these kids slaves??  Merriam Websters defines Slave as: "a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
or one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence."  Thats what one liberal group was spouting off about in reference to this video.  That kids are not meant to be slaves.  Really?? I love history.  I know an awful lot about history.  I seriously doubt my KIDS are slaves.  They get room and board.  They get good clothes.  Some are hand me downs, but many are name brands.  They get free (to them anyway) medical care.  They have laptops, Ipods, cell phones and rollar skates.  They play sports; football, track, soccer.  So they get sports equipment, money for games, free transportation, the rarely ride a bus!  I think its very ignorant for liberals to jump on this guy and say he treated his daughter as a slave.  That laptop he shot up with his .45? That was HIS laptop. He bought that!  She didn't.  She  merely borrowed it!  She barely assumed ownership and I say barely cuz HE was the one that took care of the upkeep, etc.   These kids today, and I mean mine included are so spoiled.  They have so much more than we had as kids.  A friend of mine posted a thing the other day....she said, remember when we were kids and we all had them old timey Nintendo's?  And if a game didn't work, we just pulled the cartridge out, blew on it and it magically worked again??  She said, "How did we know this??"  Kids all over the Nation did this and we didn't have any message board or facebook to post problems on, but somehow we got through!  She said "kids today are soft!" And it's true!   I want my kids to have more than I did. Not just materially, but otherwise too.  I demand more of my kids then truly my Mom demanded of me.  It takes more for kids these days.  I have high expectations.  Yes, John works his 14 year old hind off, but you know what?  He gets all that I mentioned above, PLUS, he "gets" respect from other kids and their parents, he also "gets" consideration from teachers and community leaders, he "gets" good grades and he absolutly gets our love and attention.  Same for Presley.  Same for Addy.  In life, you get what you give.  My kids give alot.  I want them to get a lot, too.   Again, are my kids perfect?  Heck no!  Am I perfect or David perfect?? HEEEEEECK no!  I just believe you can't pamper these kids hind ends!  I don't think we need to try to be friends with our kids. What the heck do I want with an 11 year old friend anyway??  Not a dern thing!  I gotta enough to deal with-I don't need that middle school mess/drama all over again!  When we quit trying to please our kids and make them happy at every turn, I think they do better in the long run.  Kids want direction and discipline.  They need this! They want to know their boundaries where they fit in the grand scheme of things.   I remember one time, John told us, before we adopted him, that he actually felt good when we got on to him, "cuz that means you actually care.

 

Thanks for reading! 

Lola Philpott

Explaining Adoption to a pre-schooler

We've really never kept it a secret that we have two adopted children.  John was 10 when he came to us, so obviously, he knows.  In some ways, it's kind of easier that way. 
But Addy was five months old when she came to us as a very sick little foster baby. She has really never known any other family as her own.  We are it.  And for that I am so thankful.

Since Presley has been little, at different times, like at bedtimes, maybe if she wasn't feeling well or something, as a comfort to her, I might lay down beside her and I tell her all about her "birth story."  About how we found out I was pregnant and how I told Daddy, then up through the labor and delivery and her hospital stay and all that.  Presley has quite a tale herself. 

I guess when Addy was about 3, she heard me telling Presley about her story and naturally, she wanted to know her "baby story."  I remember thinking, "o crap, here is the BIG question!"  But, I also thought the adoption story shouldn't be any different then the "sex" talk or the "drug and alcohol" talk.  Keep it age appropriate and only answer the question asked.  So, when Addy asked "was she in my womb too?"  I simply answered, "no" but then added "you were in my heart tho..." and that pacified her for that night.  That year for Christmas, I bought Addy a book by Keiko Kasza called "A Mother for Choco."  This is a book about a little chick looking for his Mama.  He begins by looking for other feathered fowls like him but can't find anyone to love him.  Ultimatly, if I remember correctly, he finds his Mama.  She's a brown bear that also has a brown bear cub, a baby hippo and a baby alligator and she loves them all the same and very much!  I couldn't wait to read it to her!

About a year or so later, fast forward to last fall, getting near Christmas, and we were in the vehicle (where the best conversations take place) and somehow the topic came up again.  Talking about something or other and again, Presley said she was from my womb.  Addy asked was she from my womb also and I told her "No baby,  you came from another ladies womb, but God gave you to us to raise.  You were a gift that God gave us!" she seemed to chew on that for a moment, then John said, "Like me, Addy!  I came from someone else's womb too, but then God gave me to our parents, Mom and Dad!"  Well then Addy got excited and she thought at least her and John came from the same womb.  No, we had to start over and go back to keeping it simple.  And I explained again, that God blessed me and Daddy with three gifts; Presley, Addy and John.  And we opened each package and this is what we got!! The best present ever! Addy was satisfied.  Age appropriate.  Holiday appropriate. And simple!

Then today, for whatever reason, Addy asked again about I explained that no, Presley was the only one to grow in there and she said "Ewwww."  Hmmm, now I'm kinda stumped, so I left it alone.  Again, we get back in the vehicle and she asks again where she came from.  I told her, she grew in someone else's womb and then God gave her to us to raise and we "are your forever parents.  You will always be our daughter and we will always be your parents."  She's good.  That's fine.  She probably isn't even thinking about it today.  But I think about it and ponder it and wonder if I said the right thing.  Have I said too much? 

So, I did what any good American does when they have a question...I googled it.  Of course there are about a thousand opinions on it.  I think that adoption, just like sex, drugs and rock n roll (haha, I just had to add that!) should be answered in age appropriate responses.  And only answering the question she asked.  I did read that some psychologists think that the childs mind is unable to grasp a concept as complex as adoption, and they suggested waiting until age 8.  I don't know about that.  I think again, every child is different.  Addy, to me, is extremely intelligent and I think she grasps a whole lot more than even I could guess.  I also think that they way she views adoption will largely be based off me and David's views of adoption. She is certainly loved and definatly not loved anymore or less than Presley or John, for that matter.  I'm hoping these little bits and pieces to the puzzle can all come together for her someday. 

And that is why I'm glad God saw fit for us to have a biological child first.  I have never questioned my love for any of my children.  I've never had to wonder if I love my adopted kids the same way I would love a bio kid. I can tell you, without a doubt, I love them the same.  I love them differently, but equally!  Blood ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'!  In fact, truly, most the time, I forget Addy is adopted.  Shoot, sometimes I forget John is adopted!  Addy acts just like me and Presley!  And John is so much like David, most people assume he was David's, maybe from another relationship!!!  Either way, we are wading through this sea of adoption explanations. 

I've also told the kids before, and maybe we need to revisit this Bible story, but of course Moses was adopted.  He was perhaps the first adopted child ever.  And Jesus was not Joseph's son by blood, he was just as adopted, and both of them turned our great! 

Let me mention one thing about older child adoption too, since we're kinda on the subject.  One big difference between older child adoption and adopting a baby, is like what we're going through with Addy right now.  I'm sure her little mind has so many questions and a lot of confusion about her past.  And certainly if she doesn't yet, she will!  It's going to be real hard when she starts asking questions about the bio parent(s).  But with John, he pretty much knows his story top to bottom.  He was there.  Thats hard, because that means my son has seen and felt hurt and rejection.  He has seen hunger and true pain.  Addy hasn't seen or felt any of those things, at least that she immediatly remembers.  John knows and he knows he's been blessed. John doesn't have to question the facts, although I bet he has a whole of "why?"  But with that, John at age 14 can pretty much verbalize his feelings and questions.  Addy at age 5 only knows she has a "feeling" but won't know how to communicate it.  And that's where we use a lot of books and whole lot of prayer.  A whole, whole lot of reassurance for both kids, mixed with love and acceptance.  I wish more people considered older child adoption.  In most states, including Arkansas, "older" is defined legally as any child over the age of two!  There is such a need.  And these kids are worth it! 

Thanks for reading!
Lola Philpott